If I Had Legs I'd Kick You (2025)

	Directed by: Mary Bronstein	COUNTRY USA GENRE Drama/Comedy NORWEGIAN TITLE If I Had Legs I'd Kick You RUNNING TIME 106 minutes
	Produced by: Sara Murphy Ryan Zacarias Ronald Bronstein Josh Safdie Eli Bush Conor Hannon Richie Doyle
	Written by: Mary Bronstein

Cast includes:
CHARACTER	ACTOR/ACTRESS	RATING
Linda	Rose Byrne	½
Linda's therapist	Conan O'Brien
Caroline	Danielle Macdonald
Linda's daughter	Delaney Quinn	-
Charles	Christian Slater	-
Jamie	ASAP Rocky
Dr. Spring	Mary Bronstein	-
Stephen	Daniel Zolghardri	-
Kate	Ella Beatty	-

Review

Problems are piling up around Linda (Rose Byrne) in If I Had Legs I'd Kick You – a film in which everyone and everything is in treatment. It's a damning verdict writer/director Mary Bronstein passes on the contemporary United States and its predilection for pathologising and externalising every personal challenge, looking for ways to displace the responsibility for our hardships. If this little synopsis makes it sound like the picture is a hard watch, you're absolutely right: Most of Bronstein's characters are unsympathetic, rude and self-centred people who are hardly deserving of anyone's goodwill – including yours – but are still demanding it. And yet Bronstein and Byrne somehow gradually make you care for Linda, perhaps because underneath all her built-up resentment towards people and the hardened shell that a life amid pathology and therapy has given her, she is a fundamentally good person who wants to do good. Or perhaps because Byrne's passionate, committed performance makes the film's dramatic zeniths truly explosive, ultimately lifting it up from the misery of its characters to a poignant, expertly made cinematic elegy.